Moving toward the light

Recently, I spent the entire day with a friend who has a fatal brain tumor. I've read somewhere that we find our greatest harmony and peace when we allow things that seem to be opposites to lie side-by-side.

I found myself tested to allow that to happen during my visit. Every single ounce of my physical being was yearning to make her brain tumor go away. Like a small child, I felt like throwing a temper tantrum, stomping my feet, and crying out, "No, no, no! I don't want you to leave us yet!! You're not even 55 years old. Life has just come together for you. How can this be??!! NO, no, no!"
And, at the same time, something beyond me lead me to initiate a discussion about spirituality, when we had a moment alone. "I know that you have explored Buddhism," I began, hesitantly. "Have you thought about the spiritual side of what is happening right now?"

Her blue eyes sparkled with a light I had not seen earlier. She smiled gently and joyfully as she replied, "Yes." Her tumor would not allow her to express her complete thought, even though I could see in her eyes it was there, waiting to be released. I pressed on, a bit more bravely now, as I sought to help her express her spirituality without feeding her something that might not be true for her.

"I have also been exploring spirituality, " I told her. "I've been immersing myself in it for about 4 years now. I think I understand your journey of exploration. To me, there is a divine intelligence in our universe. Whether we call this divine light "God" or "Spirit" or "Buddha" or "Yahweh," we are referring to the same loving, divine intelligence in our own heart."

Her eyes grew large, her smile broadened, and the twinkle in her eyes grew brighter and more lively. "YES!" She exclaimed. "Oh, this is so wonderful. I haven't been able to talk with anybody about this."

"Have you given any thought to the moment of transition?" I asked gently.

"YES." Her eyes filled with tears of joy and her smile now went from ear to ear. She exuded peace, joy, and...longing. Longing? Yes. I could sense it. For the first time in my life, I met someone who was looking forward to the moment of transition from physicality to spirituality. Her inner peace and joy was contagious.

"Oh, Camille," I gushed. "How is it possible? How is it possible that, right now, what enters in my mind to say to you is that I am happy for you...?!!! I feel guilty even as I admit this to you. I mean...I don't want you to leave us physically. If I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, I would do it in a heartbeat. Yet, I sense your joy and inner peace and spiritual understanding..and, for that, I am extremely happy for you."

She smiled with a worldly, wise sense of knowing. She patted me on the leg as she said, "I'm glad you came to visit today."

What more could be said? Our spiritual connection said it all. "I'll see you later," I said, as I left that evening. "Yes," she smiled softly. And our spirits connected in a way that I had never before thought possible.

Yes, opposites can lie side by side. My heart was breaking at the same time as it was soaring with a renewed faith.

Hugs, love and light--tc