Gratitude

Many thanks to Changing Hands bookstore for displaying “Creating Love and Joy” on the shelf marked “Recent Favorites”(4th shelf, second from the right.) My hope is that readers will see the eye-catching cover and buy the book as a gift for themselves or a friend. Did you know that Changing Hands was rated as the best bookstore in the country by Publisher’s Weekly? They regularly have well-known authors like SARK, Meadowlark Lemon, Valerie Bertinelli, and Apolo Ono in for book signings! Thank you, Changing Hands, for supporting “Indie” publishers! Hugs--tc

Acceptance, Enjoyment, Enthusiasm

I just finished reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth…,”and he says the three “…modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm. Each one represents a certain vibrational frequency of consciousness (p. 295).” By staying centered in the present moment, and trusting that we are in the right place at the right time, successfully engaged in the right activity, we can ENJOY the holidays. It’s a treasured time with family and friends! Hugs--tc

Can positive affirmations backfire???!!

Creating Love & Joy is an inspirational gift book that offers life-enhancing affirmations. By simply raising our subconscious thoughts to a conscious awareness, and making mindful choices, each of us can create a fulfilling, joyful life.

In mid-October, this surprising post appeared on the “Positively Sunny” website stating that positive affirmations can backfire. It was not well received by their fans-- my thoughts follow their post (that is provided here, verbatim):

“Positive affirmations sound like sweetness and light, but be careful with them.
According to Dan Baker, positive psychologist and author of the books What Happy People Know and What Happy Women Know, says that affirmations can create a sense of entitlement. Remember Annette Bening's character in the movie "American Beauty" with her affirmation of "I will sell this house today!" These kinds of affirmations can set up expectations (a sure way to plan a forthcoming resentment).
Or how about Al Franken in his SNL career with the "...and gosh darn it, people like me!" These kinds of affirmations are plain silly and overblown. What if your affirmations demand that you win the lottery or lose 25 pounds this week? Aren't you just setting yourself up for failure? Dan told me about a study of public school kids who had low self-esteem. So after many years of positive affirmations and the like, these kids competed with students from other nations on a mathematics test. The US students came in dead last at 13 or 14. Out of 13 or 14 nations. But then the researchers asked how they felt about their ability to do mathematics, and the US kids came out number one in terms of how they ranked themselves.
The point is that the feeling and the capacity were incongruent.
The fact is that our efforts, our actions, our successes, and our achievements that build true self-esteem and a positive outlook. For today, stop affirming and start doing! – Positively Sunny (Facebook and website)”

As the author of a book of uplifting affirmations, my main point is that positive affirmations focus our thoughts and feelings so that we can tap our inner power and potential to match our capacity/ability to those thoughts and feelings. They provide the vitality needed to take action. Any sense of entitlement or judgments only serves to diminish the power of affirmations. Your intention is key—you can’t fool yourself about your own internal motivation! Your true intention will propel you toward your thoughts.

That’s why it is so important to write affirmations in the PRESENT and use the first person “I”. When your affirmations start with “I” and then a verb in the present tense, you have tapped your inner power. Ideally, you begin with “I am…” Our subconscious cannot distinguish reality from imagination. Positive affirmations activate all that we imagine, and our thoughts and beliefs bring experiences and situation.

Hugs--tc

Free from Fear

“As I free myself from fear, I know that I experience even more security, abundance, and fulfillment in my life Creating Love and Joy, p. 77).”

Halloween frights, and creativity in costumes, are all in fun. When fear stands in the way of something we’d like to accomplish, though, it becomes a roadblock on our journey. The key is our own willingness and courage to be aware of the fear that prevents us from moving forward. Once we acknowledge that fear exists, we can also remember that it is nothing more than a shadow in a lighted area. We can imagine bringing light to that area to dissipate the fear. The more we remember to do this, the more freedom we enjoy. Soon, the fear has disappeared completely, and we tap a renewed vitality as we continue to move forward on our unique path.

Hugs--tc

I am…Harmony

“I trust that I am creating all that I experience according to my highest harmony right now." Creating Love and Joy, p. 41)

The crisp coolness of Fall has arrived and the holiday season approaches. It’s so easy to think of all the things we need to DO that we sometimes forget to enjoy our current surroundings right NOW. When we trust that we are always in the right place, at the right time, according to what is best for us right now, we can replace the anxiety of the holiday season with childlike joy and wonder. Try it! You’ll discover a new energy and confidence that all is unfolding perfectly.

Hugs--tc

Cleansing and Renewal

Isn’t it wonderful how the rain brings a fresh inspiration that makes it seem like all is cleansed and renewed? In Tucson, we had a nice monsoon today. It was about 1/12th of our total annual 12 inches of rain. The desert smells bright, the creosote strikes the senses with it’s wonderful freshness, and the lightening adds drama to the possibility of a new beginning. The earth has its own way of renewing and refreshing itself.

What do we have? We have our own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. In Japan, many believe that reorganizing a drawer is symbolic of reorganizing certain aspects of life. I like this analogy. As I clean house or straighten up or put things away that I didn’t know I had room for…I think about the possibility that I’m also straightening up unfinished business, putting things away that it’s time to let go of, and finding strength that I didn’t know I had. It’s a joy to discover inner and outer strength. The delight of life, and the gift it brings, is around us each day…when we are willing to see it.

Hugs--tc

Finding peace during hectic times...

Start of school, election primaries, and last-minute vacations—it’s a hectic time of year! Several friends have mentioned they temporarily “lost their center” while busily flitting from one thing to the next. It’s a joy to know that many pulled out the “Creating Love and Joy” book to read each day—and it has helped! There’s something magically inspiring about the verses and photos.

When we are truly present in our current state, we recognize when we are tired, impatient and short-tempered. Celebrate this recognition! Our awareness is already neutralizing the negative effects of these temporary states. We can then choose to take whatever steps help us the most to regain our perspective and stay focused on the gifts that each day brings.

Hugs--tc

What goes around, comes around ...

We reap what we sow (Creating Love and Joy, inside front cover).”

When we truly believe that “what goes around, comes around,” we begin to pay more attention to our own thoughts, actions, and feelings. We realize our thoughts and actions have a ripple effect. Like the water rings that form when a stone is tossed into a lake, our thoughts, actions, and feelings form concentric rings around us, creating all that we have, do, think, feel, and experience. In today’s world of distractions, noise, demands, and pressures, our challenge is to remain focused on this particular moment so that we can continuously create from a place of calm, wisdom, and intuition. Instead of rushing from one thing to the next, without really focusing on the moment, we slow down and pay attention to the task at hand. We begin to accomplish the same things in a different way.

Slowing down does not mean we get less done. Many times, we actually get more accomplished when we fully concentrate. When we are “multi-tasking,” our thoughts are flitting back and forth very rapidly from one thing to the next. The conscious mind does not focus on two things at once: it only focuses on one, and then switches to the next. The amount of attention we give to each task is actually less than what it might be if we concentrate on one thing at a time. (Stack, LM. 2003. “Multi-taking is counterproductive: shifting mental gears downshifts productivity.” Celebrations Presentations: TheProductivityPro.com.)

For this reason, we are better off starting and completing one task at a time. We may not finish the entire project, but we can complete more on that project when we concentrate our efforts. This also gives us a change to ensure that the ripple effect caused by our thoughts, feelings, and actions remains calm and peaceful. When we put harmonious energy out into the universe, harmonious energy comes back to us.

Hugs--tc

Matadors or Bulls?

“I am light protecting me from all harm (Creating Love and Joy, p. 78).”

Before getting too far into the analogy between bullfighting and life working in US organizations, it’s important to review and clarify what we mean by “bullfights” in this context. First and foremost, let’s make it clear we are referring to the Portuguese style of bullfighting, where the bull is not killed. Our goal is to PREVENT or remove all physical or emotional violence from the workplace. We do this by are exploring ways to remove negative issues/policies/processes/approaches from the work environement. Second, note that we use terms fluidly--bull refers to a person and the crap that can be produced--and it is possible to switch roles. Managers can be both matadors and bulls. Employees can be matadors and bulls, too. Both require focus, courage, self-evaluation, and dedication to fulfill a positive role in eliminating negative issues/policies/processes/approaches, or “bull,” from the workplace. Third, the bullring is analogous to the hostile, hectic, unhealthy work environment found in many organizations. The spectators are our coworkers and investors. They watch our every move and make decisions about what course of action they will take based on how they interpret what they see. In all cases, the goal of bullfighting is to create healthy work environments that support constructive relationships.

Stay tuned for more…about “Bullfighting at Work.” Hugs--tc

Freedom from Negative Emotions

“I am light protecting me from all harm (Creating Love and Joy, p. 78).”

Anger depletes energy.
Guilt is the most useless energy in the universe.
Fear creates the illusion that we have no options for positive growth.
Judgment of others soon becomes hatred and efforts to control.

Stay focused only on your own life.
Trust others to be masters of their own lives.
You cannot control others, you can only control yourself.
Allow yourself the freedom to focus only on yourself and your own journey.

Hugs--tc

Bullfighting at work: Addressing the Sucker Punch

• 
  Many of us often feel the equivalent of a sucker punch when we interact with our coworkers. Using the sucker punch analogy, let’s go through the process of employing the affirmations in Creating Love and Joy to enhance our workplace relationships.
  
  Let’s look at a scenario where one person unintentionally says something or does something that hurts another person: person A SUCKER PUNCHES person B.
  
  Observers (other people) see the interaction, and “interpret” the body language of persons A & B. Using each of their own backgrounds and experiences as a framework for interpreting the body language, the observers each draw different conclusions about what just happened between persons A & B. Then, the observers act and react, consciously and subconsciously manipulating the situation according to their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Perhaps the observers have only good intentions when they react. However, their interpretation and subsequent action may, or may not, be appropriate. It is possible the observers misinterpret the situation or don’t understand the whole picture. Or, their backgrounds and experiences lead them to view the situation that may not represent the views of persons A and B. This is how the “grapevine” or “gossip mill” distributes information in the workplace.
  
  Let’s refocus back to persons A and B. Remember the fundamental premise in Creating Love and Joy: We reap what we sow. The key to sowing the seeds of constructive relationships and harmony is to focus on the REACTEE (Person B), not on the puncher (person A). It is person B who has the free will choice to decide how they will react -- to person A, and to the observers.
  
  When a person gets sucker-punched, two things might happen, based on a free will choice:
  1. Person B can react by punching back, adding negativity, or generating other forms of discord; OR
  2. Person B can react with an “OOPS”: Although there may be immediate pain in being sucker-punched, we always have the free will choice to step back before reacting by taking a few deep breaths, counting to 10, or otherwise detaching from the emotions and physical sensations of the sucker punch.

Once fully detached, Person B can now make an informed, free will choice about the type of seed they would like to sow in the universe. They can quickly evaluate what the “ripple effect” of a return punch might bring back to them. Person B, who has already been sucker-punched, can control only one aspect of this situation at this moment: their own reaction. They have several choices: punch back, walk away, or communicate they just felt sucker-punched. Punching back sows more discord. When a person punches back, they plant a seed of discord. That seed has a RIPPLE EFFECT on the WHOLE WORLD! Other choices can open the door to constructive relationships.
KEY POINT: While we may have an impulsive, knee-jerk reaction to being sucker-punched (based on our background and experiences), we still have a FREE WILL CHOICE about how we will react.
KEY POINT: It is the person feeling the negative consequences (person B) that has the choice to either amplify a negative ripple effect or minimize it. The potential for an ugly ripple effect can be minimized by a free will choice to NOT punch back. By communicating that s/he just felt sucker-punched, Person B can let Person A know that something is not right, without sowing the seed of discord. A simple “Oops” or “UUfff!” can communicate that the equivalent of a sucker punch just occurred. Or, communicating a “friendly reminder” that something is not right with the situation, is another way to react without sowing the seed of discord.
Remember: “I am light protecting me from all harm (Creating Love and Joy, p. 78).”

Disconnecting from our everyday routine ...

During our healing process, it "… helps to disconnect from our everyday routine and distractions. What is it that we love to do? Is it taking a walk? Sitting quietly? Working out? Listening to music? Jogging? Playing a sport? Taking a bath? Getting a massage? Reading a book? Even if it is only for 10 minutes, 3 times a week, when we set aside a bit of time for ourselves, we can separate from our daily distractions (Creating Love and Joy, p. 80)."

I can only imagine a wonderful weekend for each of us!! Hugs—tc

We begin the affirmation with...

"Another way we can remember the affirmations is to record them in our own voice and listen to them when we can. We can add a few of our own unique goals by recording our personal intentions as well. When we do so, we begin the affirmations with “I choose…” or “I am…” to propel us toward the relationships and experiences we are seeking. We avoid stating what we don’t want. Remember, wherever we focus our thoughts, that is what comes into our life. We visualize what we choose as if we are already living it right now (Creating Love and Joy, p. 79)."

Hugs—tc

Inspiration at Work, Home, in Relationships

Have you ever noticed that sometimes life is just clicking away smoothly and everything seems to go just right? You're happy, you're smiling, life is good.

Then, there are other days when you wonder why you got up in the morning? Maybe you spill your coffee, or trip as you walk, or drop things consistently, or run into a lot of angry people. As the day goes on, your patience wears thin and you start snapping back and making snide remarks. It's enough to make you wish the next 24 hours would hurry up and pass quickly so you can start another day on a better note.

I'm no scientist or anything, but I've heard it said that "for every action, there is a reaction." Huummm.... Do you think it's possible that our own actions create a corresponding reaction from others? Yep, I'm a believer. I've seen it happen too many times to deny the fact that our own attitudes, actions, beliefs, and interactions with others create our experiences.

Just the other day, I ran into a new way that rental car agencies are selling upgrades in an effort to make more money. In the past, I had no patience with sales people. They were persistent and insistent and I just wanted them to go away and leave me alone. This time, I consciously chose to take a different approach. I decided to watch the salesman's technique and enjoy his sales pitch as if I were an audience member watching a live stage show. Instead of feeling imposed upon, I felt amused to see what he might come up with next. The whole thing turned out to be quite entertaining.

The young kid started out by establishing rapport as we walked out to the lot full of rental cars. He asked where I worked and whether or not we had a corporate account. I did all I could to dispel his delusions that the Community College where I work might enter into a long-term contract whereby we would use his rental company every time our employees traveled.

With that option out the window, he then proceeded to try to increase revenues by convincing me to upgrade to a higher category of car. I listened as he described all the power features of the upgrade and all the conveniences of a more spacious vehicle. Then I told him that I really didn't want a bigger car because they don't fit into most parking spots and I wasn't willing to hassle with parking during my 5-day stay in the area.

Okay, so now he only has the part about insurance to try to increase the revenue on this sales transaction. So, he starts his spiel about how much extra time it takes if I get into an accident and I'm only insured by my company, and I cut him off to let him know that I'm not interested in the extra insurance.

Then, I drop the bomb: Hey, I tell him, did you know that I teach Marketing and I've been observing your salesmanship technique? You did a pretty good job of soft-selling, and didn't piss me off by insisting when it was clear I had my mind made up. That's a great technique. Of course, your efforts are wasted on me, since I know the tricks of the trade, but I commend you for your efforts.

The guy ended up shaking my hand and walking off quite pleased with himself. I, too, was pleased that I didn't spend more money than necessary for a rental vehicle. It was truly a win-win situation, where both of us felt good about the whole interaction.

How was this possible? Because I made a very deliberate choice to take 5 minutes out of my life to give this young, ambitious salesperson the opportunity to give me his best pitch. I chose not to judge, blame or resent him for doing what his company encourages him to do. I just patiently observed him and didn't take anything personally. How hard is that?

Let's contrast this with what I used to do in the past: So, I'm peeved that the airlines only have flights that take off at ungodly hours and I've been up since 4am just to get to this place by 9:00am. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm feeling like one of many cattle being herded into the rigors and routine of travel. Now I've got this young punk who thinks he can squeeze another dollar out of me so he can look good to his boss. I know that salesmen need 3 no's before they will back off, so I anticipate the sale pitch and say, "No, no, no! There are your three no's and now just give me my car and let me get the heck out of here!" I'm cranky, the salesman's pissed, and everything starts spiraling downhill fast. Nice way to start a get-away from the usual routine. It sets the tone for the whole day.

Well, what do you think??? Do you have examples of specific instances where you turned around a potentially negative situation? I'd love to hear about it!!

Hugs, love, and light--tc